I’ve searched everywhere

Talk nerdy to me

Aw, stats!

I keep track of all the activity on my website. I love to browse through the statistics: how many hits have I had this month, which websites have linked to me, or which posts are most popular.

My favorite thing to look at, though, is the search keyphrases. If someone comes to my site through a Google search, I can see what they were searching for.

Hardly any of them appear to have been looking for me. There are a lot of people out there who want to know how to fix their leaky Price Pfister faucets, I can tell you that. But there are always a few that make me laugh. Here are my favorites so far:

last nate the ship of my heart
I’m picturing someone who doesn’t speak English very well, trying to find the lyrics to that Sting song.
chocolate rabbit transubstantiation
Ecce Cuniculus Dei?
how do i keep earthworms out of my basement
Believe it or not, I actually know the answer to this one. Play Zamfir: Greatest Hits twenty-four hours a day, at a sound level of at least 85 dBA. Worms hate Zamfir. Either that, or dig all the dirt out of your basement.
how to intubate a rabbit
Wow. Just… wow. Look, I know how attached we get to our pets. But I think you might have bigger problems than a sick bunny.

Keep ’em coming.

5 thoughts on “I’ve searched everywhere”

  1. This post made me laugh out loud. Reminds me of those Yahoo searches that were published a few years back–I’ll have to find them to share with you if you don’t remember.

  2. Just got another one: opossum been living in basement how do I get the smell out?

    Man, that takes me back. Try Dis-Spray.

  3. I would love to know how people find my website – I’ll bet some of the search strings are really weird. On the other hand, I’ve made a really good online friend who found me just they way you’re supposed to: she typed “Earth Shoes Wal-Mart” and came up with my essay “Earth Shoes” and then emailed me to tell me how much she liked it. We’re gabbing away online now.

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